Courtship
From Encyclopedia of Sex and Sexuality
The getting-to-know-you process that takes place between a couple, sometimes leading to marriage. While customs vary according to culture, in every society where would-be lovers woo, courtship functions like a dance, in which both partners can examine their feelings after experiencing and communicating an initial sexual attraction.
In some cultures there is no courtship—only arranged marriages. Modern cultures, however, allow freedom of choice. Men and women must find and select their mates and convince them to love and marry them. This process of romantic persuasion is also the function of courtship.
Although a couple that is dating is not necessarily courting, when that couple gets serious it can be both exhilarating and scary. Courtship allows the couple time to bond and sort out important issues raised by the thought that they may be spending their lives together. Lovers can process the emotions and fears that often seem overwhelming.
Courtship is an active word: one lover actively courts another. Traditionally, the responsibility for courtship fell on the man. He called the woman up for dates, he sent flowers, he wined and dined her, and he convinced her of his ardor and eventually proposed marriage. But even traditionally, it was often the woman who, surreptitiously, did the courting. A common, insightful joke says, “He chased her; she caught him.” It is very often the woman who selects the man and then communicates her receptivity through many signals. She laughs at his jokes, lets him buy her a drink, or drops her hand on his knee. The woman has customarily determined how much wooing she requires prior to sex.
All of this maneuvering was part of the courtship dance in the past. However, the rules of the dance have been changing. Many women now feel that they can court a prospective mate openly and assertively. They can ask the man out, pay for dinner, initiate sex, and raise the question of marriage. Courtship is still a dance, where a man and a woman get to explore their feelings and fears; but now a woman can initiate a relationship—as long as she is willing to deal with possible rejection.
For married couples the courtship period is often regarded as having been the best of times. It was the time when they were falling in love, a time of romance, and a time of intense sexual excitement. This too is an important function of courtship, in that it provides couples with a foundation for romantic and sexual love. With care, that love can last a lifetime of marriage.
